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"People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I HATE that! I wish people would see me for who I really am - I'm white!"

"This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew-hating tyrant with a weird looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas. [Pause.] Obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee."
(On the US-Iraq war of 2003)

"And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school."

"And then in my senior year of high school, I tried to go on at local nightclubs in New Hampshire, or I'd go on at school assemblies."

"But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough."

"By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live."

"I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it."

"I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games."

"People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience."

"I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core."

"I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing."

"I really think everything is fair game."

"I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not."

"It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it."

"Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it."

"That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive."

"Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts."

"Was that incredible? Britney Spears. Wow. She is amazing. She is 25-years-old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing."

"The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17."

"The nightmare stories are all true, but it was good. Made me so strong after that year of getting my confidence beaten out of me."

"They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle."

"Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist."

"You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage."

"I'm Jewish, but I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes; my boyfriend is Catholic - but you know... it was cute the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn a hole through my skin it will protect me."